Carry on, Holy Spirit.

Lately the idea of prayer has been perplexing. I’m sort of lost in my brain, my trail of requests disintegrate, my words wind up half spoken and my thoughts incomplete.

“Prayer is simply talking to God as you would to a friend.”
I don’t know how many times I’ve heard that- I’ve probably even said it.

Look, there is nothing simple about talking to the creator of the universe, okay?

Express my feelings to God? I can do that. Complain about circumstances? I can do that too. But I know prayer is more than just venting. It’s when I begin to make requests for myself and the people around me that I’m left with nothing to say.

I can’t bring myself to solicit action from God. I am far too aware of my lack of wisdom and my inability to make selfless choices to feel capable of telling God what to do. Not only does it seem pointless, but exceedingly pious. Who am I to request that God intervene on my terms? Why do I feel like it’s a good idea to give Him possible solutions to a situation? I don’t even want God to make my circumstances change, since He’s obviously allowed them to be that way for a reason. It seems inappropriate for me to offer up my completely selfish ideas, which are constrained to my human capacity of thought; I don’t want that. I understand that I know nothing and I rejoice in the fact that I can count on God to intervine with His own plans.

So, instead of requesting that God alter the circumstance, I request that God grant me (or whoever I’m praying for) all the godly characteristics I (or they) need in order to make the most of the circumstance. Change our perspective. Basically, I’m asking God to act in His very nature. I feel like a micro-managing CEO, constantly reminding his employees to do what they are already doing. “I would like self control, my sister needs clarity, my friend needs comfort, my home-groupie needs divine guidance, my father needs peace.” I’m certain God already knows these needs. He’s already promised in His word that he will provide these things. What am I doing? Let me just let God be His Omniscient, Omnipotent, Omnipresent self.

Because of this, my communication with God has continually trickeled into the only thing I feel I can offer the Almighty God: gratitude.

(I by no means think this is good or correct. I understand that these thoughts/feelings don’t align with everything the Bible tells us about prayer. I know the stories, I know the verses. I’m just in the middle of a process. Don’t worry, I’m not gonna stay here long.)